Monday 30 June 2014

The Person You Wish to Become.. Reliving Your Fairytales

    Friday's session at the conference certainly had many "take-note" moments. Of those, was Dr.Irfan's word of wisdom which went something like "Before you go to bed, imagine yourself as the man you want to be..become". Sound advice.. really.

   I reflected further on it and in some strange way with the course of events in past few days, the purpose of those bedtime tales my Dad told me, became a lot clear. My father had a fixed definition of the person he wanted me to become.. let's say, he defined me. How? Well, I shall  write down an excerpt from his narratives (these have translated in English).
 
   "Once a upon time there was a girl named Cinderella.. Cinderella's mom and dad were going for Hajj ( the concept of death is a little too morbid for a toddler and even more so for a father who tucks her in bed). So they decided to leave a stepmother (this term remained unexplained and untouched for the greater bit of my childhood and strangely, I showed no curiosity to find out more about it) with her. Cinderella also had two stepsisters. Now, before leaving, Cinderella's father asked each of his daughters for gifts they wanted him to bring back home. He first asked Onka (his name for Anastasia). Onka replied 'I want lots and lots and lots jewelry; earrings and a necklace and rings!' Cinderella's Dad made a face *and then my dad would make a disgruntled face; a look of pure disgust* Then Cinderella's Dad asked Ponka ( his name for Drizella). Ponka replied, 'I want lots of make up; a lipstick and face powder and just lots of make up'.  Cinderella's Dad made an even greater disgusting face and "hmph!" *infact my Dad would ask me "what did he say?" and I would go all "hmph!"* Finally, he asked Cinderella *His tone becomes soft and sweet* Cinderella replied, "Pappa, get me a pencil and a copy. I want colour pencils and a drawing book- *at this moment I'd speak up and cut him and continue the wishlist* and a pencil box and new crayons and new books.. picture books." And Cinderella's Dad would say 'Shabaash! I WILL get them for you!'. And he became very very happy...."
 
     The rest of the tale would continue in it's original version with Dad rushing way fast at the very end since it usually gets way too mushy for a kid- primary reason he never narrated more Sleeping Beauty and Snow White was true love's first kiss. Wise man my dad! And this pretty same beginning in essence was that of Beauty and the Beast, another favorite of ours. Even in this tale the father asks his three daughters the same questions and they (with different names)  had almost the same answers.

    I can't imagine how invaluable these were. I slept on these thoughts of a perfect girl who has no love for materialistic things like jewels or dresses or make-up and only loved studying and her hobbies and was content with them. I know for a fact, that this is the very reason I am, well, unusual. While the usual girl would picture a nice cafe and an expensive dessert, I would picture myself in it with a laptop or a book, snipping away some coffee. "oh please, Hafsa!" said someone once when were engrossed in similar musings.

    The greater lesson, infact, the lesson in truth was Simplicity and a strong sense of not being a part of the material world. Your older years will do their level best to battle this notion. And you must.. be steadfast and try your level not to give in to the world.

  I sometimes wonder if I am.. and then shake the world from my shoulders (need to do that again) and remind me of Cinderella. Only now, that cinderella is becoming more pro.. preserving her innate simplicity and blending in the acquired girl interest as part of professionalism. There are thin lines. I don't want to tread on any of them.

   *ti-ding* I know what I'd be holding on to at bedtime now.

Off for now. iftari prep time.

P.S. shukar al hamdolillah for the awesome mausam.. made the long roza pretty easy.

 

 
   

Friday 27 June 2014

Dentist with a Drill or a Sculptor at Work... a blissful oblivion

         At the moment, I am filled.. no.. I am HIGH on an implant symposium that I just attended. Too high yet too tired to attend to something extremely mundane as cooking something for the "one-dish" party tomorrow at the department and too broke and too ego-istic to spend on buying something as my contribution since I just spent away on paying for the symposium (DOW-late-tankhwa-blues and the side-effects of being an insufferable show-off at times). Well, that's me these days. I'm living with several fears right now and to a huge extent my work comes to rescue... as the perfect escape.

      The perfect escape.. blissful oblivion this session was too, These sessions direct me; they steer my life-plan processing. "I think i am going to do prosthodontics. The thought has been coming to me ever since prostho started off as a part of the housejob especially since I am trying my level best to do solo decision-making, involving the "elders" as little as posiible in things I can and should handle by now. I am an artist and what more could possibly be more artistic than that. I am now loving that extra effort one needs to put into patient education here too." My mind wanders into all possiblities as our car heads home, it imagines me puling out my diary, chalking out my entire life plan out and as it does so.. it suddenly stops.

      Mental block; not the one we administer but the one in my head- I am at the bottom of the bottom of the food chain and living in a city which runs on prayers of survival and well-being and safety. I am far far better off alhamdolillah than a lot of people I am surrounded by; no complains there. But, I am still at the bottom of the bottom of the food chain. Why is that? I am a mere house-officer but importantly, I am a Girl. My life-plan steering is way beyond my control in several areas.

    I wonder how people like me feel. Alone for one thing. Knowing fully well that you are far different than people around you and all of them lack the capacity to understand you. Doesn't mean I'm not content with people. But no.. uncertainity is what bugs. Yet, I find great solace in prayer. He made the best plans for me. I'll steer my ship in the direction i feel is right and He will take me where it truly is in shaa Allah. More importantly, He will make me content with it like always in shaa Allah.

  Time to rack the kitchen to see if I can spin something up for tomorrow.

P.S. I'm blogging a year late
        Some thoughts are that great =)