Scientfic Randomness

     
     There was a teensy sad part about my life where I resorted to some means of self therapy and labeled it as "living in the moment". I used to take the long way home by walk ..not for reasons as mundane as losing weight,  but because that longer path was a hospital filled with trees and lovely footpaths. I did this everyday as I fell in love with the place.  It wasn't spectacular or anything just more quiet and aloof from the sounds of the noise of the main city. I was deliberately perceptive to the sound and sight of every single thing happening around me- the rustling of the leaves, the birds, the footsteps of visitors, doctors and staff, the plants being watered with the hosepipe and the cooling it gave the shaded areas even on a sunny day. Oh how enjoyed simply looking, hearing and feeling things that most people look by without thought.

 I realise I always did that. Which is why I learn rastey achhey se. Noticing apparently pointless things on the roads. Like counting the number of speed-breakers on my way back from school to home and the number of green banks or blue cars.. "let's waste time chasing cars".. (random thought)

   It's something children do which is why they're so happy. Do you remember ever spinning as a child? Just going round and round happily and the happiest when you feel that moment of disbalance where gravity is letting go of you and suddenly bringing you down again as you fall. We did that just for that feeling of disbalance. What was the point? I think if we'd didn't do that we wouldn't even know what disbalance is. And that's what I believe science is- simple, apparently pointless things that you're more perceptive to and later joining the dots and finding labels for them. Or did you ever look out your car window and noticed that the trees kept moving.. passing by. My class one science book said "we think they are moving but actually we are moving". I disagreed with the book and told my teacher that no, I know they are moving. The class laughed. I didn't quite know how to express that I took that frame of window as fixed-point and the view outside moving (like in a movie reel). I even told my teacher that the car is only moving if I stand outside next to that tree and look at the road where the cars would then seem to move. Was I debating about trees being fixed or not? No, I KNEW they were rooted to the ground. I knew cars have wheels. I was debating over "points of view". I was talking about Relativity and I was a five-year old who didn't even know that there was guy called Einstein. And it was since then I think I felt that learning has a whole different ground which is both in books and beyond the scope of books. And the scope that is beyond make me happy too. - Hafsa Mahida

  It's why I love my housejob more than than those clinical hours completing friggin credits in my Bachelor years. It's why I love dentistry, and everyone who bothered to study it and write books on it- Proffit (love him), Zarb, Fenn, Tucker, Mc.Cracken, Wheeler and the like.. Thank you, guys for picking up something as apparently pointless as teeth and faces, studying them in such depth and writing about them. Thank you for re-affirming that those details are so important. How a difference of 2-3mm between central incisors can make or break a child's self-esteem and never make them smile wide in their photographs. How just a teensy bit of over-extension can rock a denture. How all those rules and laws of levers fit into prostho (doesn't mean I've learnt em all yet :p). How usually using your elevator wisely can make the job of a forcep so very easy. I could go on but it's lunch time.

    

Pulp Vitality.

         If there was but one word to describe my heart
A tooth is what I think it'll be
Walls stiffened up like enamel so hard

'Tis miracle I have a pulpy vitality
                                    - Dr. Harlequin

Aesthetic Dentistry - Dental Redundancy

   Of my favorite lessons in written and spoken English grammar was Redundancy. Redundancy is a grammatical error. For example, "TWO twins", "THREE triplets", "UNEXPECTED surprise", "NATURAL instinct" and so on. Why are these grammatically incorrect? Because, twins are always two; triplets are always three; a surprise is obviously unexpected and instincts are natural.. duh. Similarly, I believe the term "aesthetic dentistry" is highly redundant- Dentistry was, is and forever will be Aesthetic.

Yup, dentistry is aesthetic. When you restore and replace, providing a level of healthcare that feels and functions like the rest of the real stuff in the mouth, it is aesthetic. It is aesthetic when you cater to a cleft patient. It is aesthetic when you orthodontically treat malocclusion in an adenoid-affected child. It is aesthetic when you restore a carious tooth. It is aesthetic when you place an implant and do your best to ensure it does not look and feel like a prosthesis. There's no how good, no how bad, there is only how aesthetic the ultimate outcome of the treatment is. Does your patient think it looks and feels natural; if not immediately, atleast gradually? That is aesthetic. And ultimately all our treatment goals come down to, I repeat, how aesthetic a treatment is.

Back at Khan's when I was training, Dr.Mumtaz Khan elaborated on the difference between aesthetic and cosmetic. To put it plainly, aesthetic treatment is all I stated above and cosmetic is a patient demand based on what he specifically likes. Let's take plastic surgery:
Aesthetic demand is - " I want this cleft scar to go away from my upper lip." (It's a human feeling. The patient wants an abnormality removed).
Cosmetic demand is - "I want my lips to burst out like Angelina Jolie's " (Whether it makes me look like a clown or not - this is madness as I'd like to think.)
Now, let's take dentistry:
Aesthetic demand- "I want my teeth to look normal. My centre-teeth overlap and it looks ugly. Make them straight. Also, they are too dirty yellow. Make them a bit whiter."
Cosmetic demand-"I want a hollywood smile makeover and the kind of white teeth that glow in the dark."
That difference between white teeth and glow-in-the-dark white teeth is all the difference between how aesthetic and how cosmetic. It's also, in my opinion, the difference between sanity and madness. It is the difference between a need and a want, in a way. To some of us the line between the two is thin and to those who practice "consumer-centred dentistry" there is perhaps none- give the patient exactly what he asked for as long as you are well-fed. But to a principle-centered dentist there's all the difference in the world- provide the patient what he needs and wants as long as it agrees with sound clinical judgement. Come to think of it, dentistry is principle-centered. Quackery is consumer-centred. *Dr.Irfan's voice rings in my head, "mjhey qanoon pata hai" Oh how I miss debating!*

Any dentist with sound clinical judgement would know that Aesthetics are a component of our treatments. I think it should be so instead of it turning into a separate specialty- a redundant specialty. By creating a whole specialty we are:

A. reducing the quality of work of a general dentist or any other specialist to perform as aesthetically as is required/expected of a dentist. We are leaving aesthetics for a whole different set of practitioners to handle.
B. We are raising the cost dental treatments that are already pretty costly. A whole new specialty brings a whole new bunch of expenses.
C. We are slowly and gradually making the term "aesthetic" ambiguous and the same time synonymous with "cosmetic". We are encouraging madness in a public where aesthetic concerns are already turning into cosmetic ones.
D. Yes, we are in the business of improving health and self-esteem. But we are ever turning into businessmen more than healthcare providers should we continue being okay with "consumer-centred dentistry"

*Breathes. Laughs. Looks around to see what bottom-of-the-food-chain looks like. Puts her head down. Decides not to share on facebook. Daydreams about walking upto the podium and making a grand oration of the script above. Wakes up.*
Off to the kitchen to make some garlic bread. If Edgar Allan Poe can write goth and also anabelle lee.. than I can cook, dream and work to make my dreams come true.
Alhamdolillah for everything. =)

Your Own Estimate

 Well, yes it does seem like the most kiddish lesson now but I still come across people who haven't learnt it. I haven't "people-centred" my thoughts and talks for quite sometime now. It has more to do with the fact that for now I have truly prioritized people as well. Kindness and empathy can and should be extended to all but there are a set group of people one should care about. Everyone should have their place. Life is easy. Keeping commitments comes in easy. And most importantly, you do not do yourself any injustice. A friend of mine reminds me of the "me" I used to be. The person who can't say no, who has a hard time fighting inner battles. My battles haven't abated but my approach certainly has Alhamdolillah. The quote above says it all. 

So-Numb

I'm having a silly urge to write down the many random thoughts crossing my mind at this very minute and no, diary-scribbling is a bit too time-consuming as of right now when I'm working on tomorrow's presentation. Here it goes:

-> Speed up you sust maari! (3.17 am)
-> 30 sec dance party (3.51am)
-> Developing the inverted  lip theory for prosthetics
-> speed up sust maari
-> Mahida's Method Pre-Jaw records (5.57am)
-> Focus on that presentation you silly girl, you can put that method down on stone n gold later
->SLEEPEEEE. LOADS TO DO.
LIE DOWN FOR 10 MIN AND THEN GET BACK TO WORK.  (6.12)

The Person You Wish to Become.. Reliving Your Fairytales

    Friday's session at the conference certainly had many "take-note" moments. Of those, was Dr.Irfan's word of wisdom which went something like "Before you go to bed, imagine yourself as the man you want to be..become". Sound advice.. really.

   I reflected further on it and in some strange way with the course of events in past few days, the purpose of those bedtime tales my Dad told me, became a lot clear. My father had a fixed definition of the person he wanted me to become.. let's say, he defined me. How? Well, I shall  write down an excerpt from his narratives (these have translated in English).
 
   "Once a upon time there was a girl named Cinderella.. Cinderella's mom and dad were going for Hajj ( the concept of death is a little too morbid for a toddler and even more so for a father who tucks her in bed). So they decided to leave a stepmother (this term remained unexplained and untouched for the greater bit of my childhood and strangely, I showed no curiosity to find out more about it) with her. Cinderella also had two stepsisters. Now, before leaving, Cinderella's father asked each of his daughters for gifts they wanted him to bring back home. He first asked Onka (his name for Anastasia). Onka replied 'I want lots and lots and lots jewelry; earrings and a necklace and rings!' Cinderella's Dad made a face *and then my dad would make a disgruntled face; a look of pure disgust* Then Cinderella's Dad asked Ponka ( his name for Drizella). Ponka replied, 'I want lots of make up; a lipstick and face powder and just lots of make up'.  Cinderella's Dad made an even greater disgusting face and "hmph!" *infact my Dad would ask me "what did he say?" and I would go all "hmph!"* Finally, he asked Cinderella *His tone becomes soft and sweet* Cinderella replied, "Pappa, get me a pencil and a copy. I want colour pencils and a drawing book- *at this moment I'd speak up and cut him and continue the wishlist* and a pencil box and new crayons and new books.. picture books." And Cinderella's Dad would say 'Shabaash! I WILL get them for you!'. And he became very very happy...."
 
     The rest of the tale would continue in it's original version with Dad rushing way fast at the very end since it usually gets way too mushy for a kid- primary reason he never narrated more Sleeping Beauty and Snow White was true love's first kiss. Wise man my dad! And this pretty same beginning in essence was that of Beauty and the Beast, another favorite of ours. Even in this tale the father asks his three daughters the same questions and they (with different names)  had almost the same answers.

    I can't imagine how invaluable these were. I slept on these thoughts of a perfect girl who has no love for materialistic things like jewels or dresses or make-up and only loved studying and her hobbies and was content with them. I know for a fact, that this is the very reason I am, well, unusual. While the usual girl would picture a nice cafe and an expensive dessert, I would picture myself in it with a laptop or a book, snipping away some coffee. "oh please, Hafsa!" said someone once when were engrossed in similar musings.

    The greater lesson, infact, the lesson in truth was Simplicity and a strong sense of not being a part of the material world. Your older years will do their level best to battle this notion. And you must.. be steadfast and try your level not to give in to the world.

  I sometimes wonder if I am.. and then shake the world from my shoulders (need to do that again) and remind me of Cinderella. Only now, that cinderella is becoming more pro.. preserving her innate simplicity and blending in the acquired girl interest as part of professionalism. There are thin lines. I don't want to tread on any of them.

   *ti-ding* I know what I'd be holding on to at bedtime now.

Off for now. iftari prep time.

P.S. shukar al hamdolillah for the awesome mausam.. made the long roza pretty easy.

 

 
   

Dentist with a Drill or a Sculptor at Work... a blissful oblivion

         At the moment, I am filled.. no.. I am HIGH on an implant symposium that I just attended. Too high yet too tired to attend to something extremely mundane as cooking something for the "one-dish" party tomorrow at the department and too broke and too ego-istic to spend on buying something as my contribution since I just spent away on paying for the symposium (DOW-late-tankhwa-blues and the side-effects of being an insufferable show-off at times). Well, that's me these days. I'm living with several fears right now and to a huge extent my work comes to rescue... as the perfect escape.

      The perfect escape.. blissful oblivion this session was too, These sessions direct me; they steer my life-plan processing. "I think i am going to do prosthodontics. The thought has been coming to me ever since prostho started off as a part of the housejob especially since I am trying my level best to do solo decision-making, involving the "elders" as little as posiible in things I can and should handle by now. I am an artist and what more could possibly be more artistic than that. I am now loving that extra effort one needs to put into patient education here too." My mind wanders into all possiblities as our car heads home, it imagines me puling out my diary, chalking out my entire life plan out and as it does so.. it suddenly stops.

      Mental block; not the one we administer but the one in my head- I am at the bottom of the bottom of the food chain and living in a city which runs on prayers of survival and well-being and safety. I am far far better off alhamdolillah than a lot of people I am surrounded by; no complains there. But, I am still at the bottom of the bottom of the food chain. Why is that? I am a mere house-officer but importantly, I am a Girl. My life-plan steering is way beyond my control in several areas.

    I wonder how people like me feel. Alone for one thing. Knowing fully well that you are far different than people around you and all of them lack the capacity to understand you. Doesn't mean I'm not content with people. But no.. uncertainity is what bugs. Yet, I find great solace in prayer. He made the best plans for me. I'll steer my ship in the direction i feel is right and He will take me where it truly is in shaa Allah. More importantly, He will make me content with it like always in shaa Allah.

  Time to rack the kitchen to see if I can spin something up for tomorrow.

P.S. I'm blogging a year late
        Some thoughts are that great =)