At the moment, I am filled.. no.. I am HIGH on an implant symposium that I just attended. Too high yet too tired to attend to something extremely mundane as cooking something for the "one-dish" party tomorrow at the department and too broke and too ego-istic to spend on buying something as my contribution since I just spent away on paying for the symposium (DOW-late-tankhwa-blues and the side-effects of being an insufferable show-off at times). Well, that's me these days. I'm living with several fears right now and to a huge extent my work comes to rescue... as the perfect escape.
The perfect escape.. blissful oblivion this session was too, These sessions direct me; they steer my life-plan processing. "I think i am going to do prosthodontics. The thought has been coming to me ever since prostho started off as a part of the housejob especially since I am trying my level best to do solo decision-making, involving the "elders" as little as posiible in things I can and should handle by now. I am an artist and what more could possibly be more artistic than that. I am now loving that extra effort one needs to put into patient education here too." My mind wanders into all possiblities as our car heads home, it imagines me puling out my diary, chalking out my entire life plan out and as it does so.. it suddenly stops.
Mental block; not the one we administer but the one in my head- I am at the bottom of the bottom of the food chain and living in a city which runs on prayers of survival and well-being and safety. I am far far better off alhamdolillah than a lot of people I am surrounded by; no complains there. But, I am still at the bottom of the bottom of the food chain. Why is that? I am a mere house-officer but importantly, I am a Girl. My life-plan steering is way beyond my control in several areas.
I wonder how people like me feel. Alone for one thing. Knowing fully well that you are far different than people around you and all of them lack the capacity to understand you. Doesn't mean I'm not content with people. But no.. uncertainity is what bugs. Yet, I find great solace in prayer. He made the best plans for me. I'll steer my ship in the direction i feel is right and He will take me where it truly is in shaa Allah. More importantly, He will make me content with it like always in shaa Allah.
Time to rack the kitchen to see if I can spin something up for tomorrow.
P.S. I'm blogging a year late
Some thoughts are that great =)
The perfect escape.. blissful oblivion this session was too, These sessions direct me; they steer my life-plan processing. "I think i am going to do prosthodontics. The thought has been coming to me ever since prostho started off as a part of the housejob especially since I am trying my level best to do solo decision-making, involving the "elders" as little as posiible in things I can and should handle by now. I am an artist and what more could possibly be more artistic than that. I am now loving that extra effort one needs to put into patient education here too." My mind wanders into all possiblities as our car heads home, it imagines me puling out my diary, chalking out my entire life plan out and as it does so.. it suddenly stops.
Mental block; not the one we administer but the one in my head- I am at the bottom of the bottom of the food chain and living in a city which runs on prayers of survival and well-being and safety. I am far far better off alhamdolillah than a lot of people I am surrounded by; no complains there. But, I am still at the bottom of the bottom of the food chain. Why is that? I am a mere house-officer but importantly, I am a Girl. My life-plan steering is way beyond my control in several areas.
I wonder how people like me feel. Alone for one thing. Knowing fully well that you are far different than people around you and all of them lack the capacity to understand you. Doesn't mean I'm not content with people. But no.. uncertainity is what bugs. Yet, I find great solace in prayer. He made the best plans for me. I'll steer my ship in the direction i feel is right and He will take me where it truly is in shaa Allah. More importantly, He will make me content with it like always in shaa Allah.
Time to rack the kitchen to see if I can spin something up for tomorrow.
P.S. I'm blogging a year late
Some thoughts are that great =)
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